I have many opportunities speak to mothers on the subject of homeschooling their children. Some are investigating and want information about what homeschooling entails. Others need encouragement to stay the course and are eager for suggestions about curriculum, courses of study, or ideas to help a challenged learner. An increasing number come to me in a desperation mode, ready to throw in the towel. Usually this group has become convinced that the reason for their children’s defiant behavior is as a result of how they have chosen to educate them. If only their children were in a “regular” school setting, the reasoning goes, all problems would miraculously vanish.
In my experience, a mom at her wit’s end is suffering from lack of support for her homeschooling endeavors. Often, she and her husband have failed to take the first step toward successful homeschooling: establishing a mission statement declaring why they are homeschooling, what they are eager to accomplish, and how they will measure progress. More often than not they have made their highest priority attempting to get their children to like homeschooling. A better approach is to establish with their children that the homeschooling approach has been chosen after considerable thought. Thus, the method of education does not become a negotiable point. Very few day school teachers would get much instruction accomplished if they had to focus on getting children to like being at school.
In our homeschool, my husband assumed the role of principal and I that of primary teacher and director of academic studies. This worked well, because I did the lion’s share of the teaching. But, like many of the moms I counsel, I would run into times when my children would become openly defiant to a request or assignment and I became frazzled. I would often make the mistake of “reasoning” with them as if the problem was an intellectual one. We quickly learned that these types of issues were moral in nature and that Dad had to be a huge part of the equation as far as the authority structure went. My husband made it clear to the children that disobeying him was going to bring repercussions. However, if they disobeyed me in his absence, the consequences would be more severe. He made it clear that my authority came from him and when they disregarded something I said or disobeyed me, they were in actuality disobeyed him.
Some might say that this takes authority away from the mother, but it actually enhances her position and supports her in a truly biblical fashion. Christian parents are under the authority of God, with the husband as the primary representation of God in the family. It follows that the authority flows from the husband/father to the wife/mother. A family that is on this sure footing will be teaching their children how to be good family members, church members, community members employees, and citizens. Since the family is the first school, workplace and culture, older children will have the opportunity to exercise godly, delegated authority with younger brothers and sisters. This establishes the reality that all people everywhere are under authority.
When approached in this fashion, the inevitable difficult circumstances that arise in family life can be dealt with more effectively without confusing the issue where education is taking place: homeschool or day school. Only when there is a united, biblically orthodox structure in place can it be determined whether an unpleasant or difficult situation stems from rebellion or the need to change a policy or focus.
This concept may sound foreign to families new to homeschooling. That is why it is useful to have interaction with families who have embraced this biblical model. Not only can the veterans serve as an encouragement to the novices, but older children can serve as model/mentors for their younger counterparts in other families. My daughter has often done more to remedy tumultuous times for another homeschooling family just by interacting with the children and giving them a model of a “cool” grown-up homeschooler who doesn’t bristle under the authority of her parents, but embraces it.
Lastly, it is important that the primary teacher in the homeschool gets support as she continues to grow spiritually and in her role as teacher, learning how to incorporate biblical wisdom into each and every subject taught. By studying God’s law-word with an eye to make her a better teacher, she will learn how to differentiate between a defiant child and a confused one. As a homeschooling mentor, I can help. Write me at lessons.learned@yahoo.com.
The results of this past week’s national elections have many Christians in a quandary. Some have shared with me about their “Christian” friends who eagerly voted for the president-elect, have no difficulty with the idea of gay marriage or accepting that abortion is a personal choice. The questions keep coming: is it wrong to separate from these people, even if they are extended family members, neighbors, and associates at work? They want to keep people with these wrongheaded views away from themselves and especially their children, for they don’t want their families to get the idea that such views are consistent with an orthodox application of Scripture.
Is this an overreaction? Or, should they figure this “bad taste in their mouth” will subside with time? Should they get used to the status quo and just accept it?
The crux of the matter is differentiating between those who are brothers and sisters in the Lord and those who are wolves in sheep’s clothing. The ONLY way you are going to differentiate between the two is to have an absolute standard. Those who love the Lord hear His voice (His law-word) and respond. Those who are of another sheepfold don’t. Jesus said that those who love Him will keep His commandments. That would include agreeing with Him and His Word as to what constitutes evil and what constitutes good.
Thus, those “Christian” friends are professing Christians without being confessing Christians.
The next issue is to be sure you are differentiating between those who have been taught poorly and those who are indeed wicked. In Jesus’ day, the Pharisees knew what the Scriptures said and substituted their own laws and ordinances. They were legalists – trying to obtain salvation on their terms. Jesus correctly identified them as vipers and snakes.
My suggestion to those who are in the quandary described above is to embark on a study of Biblical law so that they will not “struggle” with these issues, but have an effective way to view the law-word of God and teach it to their children. Feelings are a poor substitute for an absolute standard. Feelings can come and go, but God’s Word is established forever.
Fed up with not knowing how to think Biblically? It is time to become an expert in knowing and applying the full counsel of God.
As a homeschooling mentor I have the opportunity to speak to many women who share concerns about being overwhelmed with responsibilities. They wonder if the Chalcedon Teacher Training Institute is right for them, considering how behind they feel on a daily basis. They are reluctant to add another “thing” to their “To-Do” list.
Why are they overwhelmed? Are they as delinquent in their duties as they suppose? On the contrary. It is my experience that those who are sure they are underperforming as wives/mothers/home educators are often suffering from wrong priorities rather than deficient character or initiative. That is why becoming grounded in the application of God’s law-word to every aspect of life is a fundamental starting point and a true necessity for the woman of the house. Without it, it is easy to start applying false or skewed standards to day-to-day life. Women will look at Proverbs 31 and decide it is hopeless to even try to attain that standard; so they continue in their tidal wave of frustration and doubt. What they fail to understand is that one doesn’t become an excellent wife or mother overnight. Rather, one grows into the calling as a direct result of sanctification.
Sanctification comes as a result of time spent studying, learning, and applying God’s commandments to all areas of life and thought. A busy mother may think this will have to wait until the kids are grown and homeschooling is over. That would be like saying, “I’ll become a better driver once I no longer have to take the kids to their various activities.” You just might not get to your destination in one piece if you don’t take the time to improve this skill.
For many years, I read the promise in 1 Cor. 10:13 that we would never be tempted beyond what we can bear and that God would provide an escape route, waiting expectantly for some sort of biblical Lone Ranger to come to my rescue and remove my feelings of inadequacy and overload. Then, it dawned on me: the way of escape was contained in the very law-word of God – numerous copies of which sat on my bookshelf. That Living Word was the lamp unto my feet and the light I needed to proceed. What I needed was help in seeing how every word in the Bible applied to me. That’s where Rushdoony’s Institutes of Biblical Law became a powerful force. The more I learned just how much of my life I had not turned over to God’s commands, and how much I was operating in my own power, the more effective I became in dealing with issues within the family. The result was so pronounced, that I began to long for my study time the way some women long for a trip to the spa.
My husband likes to repeat the expression, When Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. He has made it a priority in our family life to try and make me happy. True happiness, though, comes to a woman when she is living out her calling under God to His glory. The Chalcedon Teacher Training Institute is designed to help the homeschooling mother evolve into the Proverbs 31 woman God intends for her to be, thereby giving her the reward she has earned -- accolades and praise from her husband and children as well as her works bringing praise from others in the public square (Prov. 31:28-31).
"Man was created to be a moral being, and moral choices are inescapable for him. They do not disappear when he denies them. God’s test of men is in terms of their choices: if they are of Christ, they reveal it in their works, their fruits. The commandment therefore is plain-spoken: “And ye shall observe to do all the statutes and judgments which I set before you this day” (Deuteronomy 11:32). The statement is not an appeal, saying, Think about it, and make God happy by doing what He suggests! It is a blunt command: do it. Man is not asked to reflect on what God says, nor to understand it, but to obey it.
"Contemporary education stresses the participation of the child, who is urged to comment on the teaching, express opinions, and to treat the body of knowledge as something to be judged, to be taken only at will. The result is ignorance, because the self-importance of the child is cultivated rather than his self-discipline. Education for ignorance and arrogance is the result.
"The antinomianism of the churches has been a major force in this evil development. We have had a child-centered education, and not only God but subject content has lost its rightful place. Life is neither child-centered nor man-centered, and it is an illusion to think so. Life is God-centered. It serves His purposes or incurs His judgment. Curses and blessings, rewards and punishments, are therefore inseparable from life. The disaster of "public" education has been its abandonment of rewards and punishments. In the 1950s, a woman was called to the school for consultation about her son, described on the telephone as a "social deviate." She hurried to the school in shock and alarm. She found that her son's problem was that he read books during recess instead of playing. We can see why education has been going downhill since then. Such rewards and punishments as do exist are not in terms of any valid standard."
One of the favorite activities of our early homeschooling days was family reading time. My husband or I would pick a series (e.g., The Chronicles of Narnia, Little House on the Prairie, or Anne of Green Gables) and witness the curiosity and enjoyment of individual children as a new world was opened to them. The one I enjoyed the most was The Tales of the Kingdom trilogy – an allegorical depiction of the Kingdom of God and how the fallen world under the control of the devil seeks to dislodge and overturn it.
A running theme throughout the stories is the battle the Enchanter carries on against the King. The greeting of Rangers (those faithful to the King) went like this:
“How goes the world?” “The world goes not well. But, the Kingdom comes!” (spoken together) “To the King; To the Restoration!”
The Enchanted City, where the Enchanter ruled, was a place where those faithful to the King were under constant attack. The Enchanter’s henchmen, the Burners and Breakers, would seek to steal children away from their parents and claim ownership of them as orphans. The Enchanter would challenge the existence of the King as mere myth and fable. His mantra was “Seeing is believing,” while the King’s faithful declared “Believing is seeing,” This always brought to mind the words of St. Anselm of Canterbury, a monk, archbishop, and theologian, in his well-known prayer:
…I desire in some measure to understand your truth, which my heart believes and loves. For I do not seek to understand in order that I may believe, but I believe in order to understand. For this too I believe, that "unless I believe, I shall not understand."
As a result of our interaction with these books, we adopted the practice of sharing our “sightings” with each other. In the stories, sightings were those instances where Hero (the main character) chronicled occurrences where the King was spotted in disguise: sometimes as a beggar, a woodcutter, or a caring friend. This concept of looking for and sharing about situations in our lives where we spotted King Jesus in action became such a part of our lives that we incorporated sightings into our house church services. Time was set aside to share our sightings of Our Lord in our day-to-day life. We developed an expectation that we would encounter Him regularly, and witness the power and victory of the Christian life on a daily basis.
One eight-year-old boy (who was a heart transplant and cancer patient) had the best sightings. He recounted his conversations with anesthesiologists and medical personal at Stanford Children’s Hospital prior to his biopsies when he would ask if they knew Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Or, how, when waiting for an outpatient procedure, he would be able to comfort other children who were frightened and crying, praying with them to ease their fears. He always expected to see Jesus at work in and around his life. Sightings became a favorite portion of the service for us.
It is very important in trying times to remember that God is on the throne and, despite how things may appear, and how strong the wicked seem to be, that we should “fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them” (2 Kings 6:8-17).
Just because you homeschool doesn’t mean that you are “sinning” if you take time for yourself. Having the opportunity to get some relief from your day-to-day activities rejuvenates the homeschooling mom, enabling her to resume her 24/7 job.
This is especially true for women who have spent a good portion of their recent lives either being pregnant or caring for infants and children. With so many demands on their attention, spending time replenishing themselves spiritually, intellectually, and physically often gets placed on the back burner. Concerns about physical appearance and how it changes with motherhood can cause insecurities to arise.
At times like this, returning to the Bible for instruction and guidance is useful. Rather than use the standard of men, in general, or current cultural fashion, a wife should derive her perception of herself not from her own eyes, but from her husband’s. It is more important to endeavor to please the one person God says has ownership of the wife’s body – the husband -- than try to conform to the standards of the world.
How does this play out? After our conversion, my husband and I began to attend church. I became aware that, in many churches, there is a standard that women only wear dresses and skirts. I adopted that standard. However, my husband’s preference was for me to be in tailored slacks that were more of a sports/casual style. For years, I was more concerned with what the ladies of the church would think of me than pleasing my husband and I dressed in a way that failed to value his preference. 1 Peter 3:2-6 helped me to see that my priorities were wrong.
Likewise women often get preoccupied with how much we weigh, what dress size we’ve graduated to, and the killer question, “Does this make me look fat?” (which a wise husband learns how to answer diplomatically very early in his marriage). The real question should be, “Are you, Dear Husband, happy and comfortable with my appearance and the way I am dressed?” Since no one anywhere had the right to encourage, urge, or demand that a person violate God's law, providing that the husband is not asking his wife to do or wear anything that violates a clear Scriptural mandate or perspective, a woman should make her husband’s wishes paramount in her thinking. Such an attitude would alleviate much of the self-inflicted pressure we women put on ourselves.
So, ladies, instead of looking in the mirror for your feedback, it is much better to gaze at your reflection in your husband’s eyes.
